I HAVE MOVED TO 

www.allylilith.me

The more I grow, the less I care

Funny how in a month, I'll be a 22 year old. It seems like it was only yesterday that I turned 21. Time sure moves rather quickly when you're living in the now. I've noticed that the more I grow older, the less I care and I have reached a point where I honestly don't give a damn about anything which is why you're seeing a lot less of me online now compared to before.

Four weeks ago, I have posted a picture on Instagram with a caption that explains how I no longer have the interest of being around other people as their energy exhaust me. Unfortunately that is true. I don't know about  you but socializing or being in a rather "social" situation wears me out. Which explains why I no longer hang out with my friends because I very much prefer being by myself. I don't quite fancy hanging out in groups, if I were to hang out with my friends, I'd prefer doing it one at a time, or at most, 3. The only other person I spend time with aside from my family, is my boy. Not because we're in a relationship, it's because he is just like me. It feels just right and natural.

Thing is, before this even when I don't care, I still try. I supposed I don't have the time for that anymore. I have gotten ridiculously lazy. If something makes me feel unpleasant, I get rid of it. That applies to people as well. I have cut off so many people from my life, not because I hate them, it's because I don't find them a necessity. If they want to talk, I'm here for them but if not, I'm gone. That probably makes me seem like a complete asshole but honestly, that's exactly what I feel. I have been so independent that I don't find the need to rely on anyone. If there's a problem, I'll fix it. And if I can't, I'll make sure I do anyhow.

You just reach a certain point where you genuinely don't give a fuck anymore and you just live. Everything else seems petty. That's exactly what I'm doing. I am merely living, one day at a time. I haven't decided if that's good or bad just yet and it doesn't matter since life itself has its pros and cons. I'll tell you this though, the best thing about social isolation is that I spend more time reflecting on everything including myself. That's one way to learn.

The Unfamiliar

I don't want to travel all around the world just so I could meet new people and delve into new cultures, I don't care for such things, I never did. I would however love to reside elsewhere and new people could meet me. I would just be another face they see as they pass by— I would just be the unfamiliar. What I want is to start over, to be a stranger in a foreign land.

Not sorry

Hello there.

I've noticed I haven't been around, a part of me has lost interest in a lot of things but mostly, it is because I have been caught up with work and the little time I do have left I spend with my boy and my family. I don't quite have the time to do anything else as I'd be extremely exhausted at the end of the day. That is why I haven't been doing much of "blogging" these days. I have however written a rather personal article regarding my anxiety which you can read all about it here.



Aside from that, I've been accepting freelance jobs pertaining to graphic design or even copywriting. Whether or not you have a corporate company or a fashion brand, I'm sure we can work something out. And if you are like me, which makes yourself your biggest brand then I don't even know why the hell aren't we working together. You might want to change that.

Do visit my portfolio on www.allylilith.com to see my work if you haven't seen them already which I think you have considering you are reading this right now. That is all for now.

Breathe, love

If two people want each other enough, they'll brave through it all. 

So, breathe.

The Watchers

Sometimes I've thought about how difficult it is being parents. Having to love what they've made only to let it go when the time comes and the time will come, no matter what. Imagine having to take care of your babies from the day they were born. Within those years of raising them, you taught them how to eat, you taught them how to read and how to speak.

You taught them everything they know. And you use everything you've got to protect them because you know better, you know what kind of evil walks this earth. You want absolutely nothing to harm your children. But then one day, they turned 12 or 18 and they start thinking that they know what's best for them and you have no other choice but to set them free, little by little.

Painful is it not? Having to love what you've made to the point of madness only to let it go.

When we grow, we'd reach an age where we want to live a life of our own but we forgot what it must feel for them. We writhe in pain after a heartbreak of losing someone we've known and loved for a year or two. The heartbreak of losing someone you've made and raised must be terrifyingly agonizing. One day they wake up and all they could do is pray for you and hope whatever the outside world has to offer you, is nothing else but the best.

Humans can only take so much pain and having to go through such an emotional journey, one they've foreseen mind you— believe me when I say that your parents are the strongest people you know.

To my parents, I want to thank you for raising me and I am terribly sorry for what you had to go through.

Someone

Be with someone whose stupid lame jokes never failed to crack you up — not because it's bloody hilarious, sometimes it's not even something you'd generally find funny but because your stupid heart blooms when he or she laughs. That's when you thought, "Hey I want this for the rest of my life".

Home

My world didn't spin out of balance when I met him, instead, it settled. That finally, after years of living, I'm home. And when you've found a safe place, you don't ever want to leave.

Mouth and paper

For all the things I've never said,

I wrote them down on papers,

For words spoken can't be forgotten,

But which were written can be burnt.

Veiled

Whatever lies within is nobody's business. 

www.notyourgod.co

Short hair for a short temper

Grey, blue and everything in between.

Sometimes I miss my raven black hair but then I thought of my heart and I'd feel better. The colour of my hair has been changing a lot lately from silver to purple to blue but this is the first time I've actually decided to turn it blue entirely. I don't mind much as it'll be silver again when it fades. I'm glad I've found a way to dye my hair without damaging it, in fact it's really quite hydrating. My hair is now almost as soft as how it was before except with added volume which I love. The reason I've cut off my hair is because I've been rather impulsive lately and quite fearless I might say. Everything is bound to change at some point so I figured, why not be the one in-charge of it. Anyway, my final year has started so I'd be rather busy again for a couple of months and before I get out of bed to drink a glass of juice, the lipstick I'm wearing in that picture is from Not Your God in Nymphadora. A lovely shade that is. And now, my job is done and I shall go. Have a good day ahead, whoever you are.

Above the sky

They say when one door closes, another opens. But if there isn't any in sight, perhaps we ought to create one. Perhaps we ought to create several and choose the one we like better. Because we deserve the future we dream of having no matter how ridiculously large and unreachable it seems. All it takes is an undying effort. Everything is impossible until it is not. They say it is preposterous until a man actually landed on the moon. Bottom line is, they don't shape your future. Fuck them.

Sometimes

Sometimes I tend to miss things I've never done before like wrapping 

my arms around pieces of clouds or jumping from one hill to another. 

And things I've never had like the Easy-Bake oven that makes tiny little 

chocolate cakes or those hundreds of dollars stashed under my bed.

We're made out of pieces, millions of tiny pieces stitched together. And if you think about it, you're never broken, just reincarnated.

Regimes

Just so you know, this will be one hell of a long post.

I had black hair for years and now it's silver. So, let's cut to the chase shall we? I had to bleach my hair seven times, yes 7. Nobody does that especially not in 2 months. Is it bad for your hair? Of course. Do I care? Not really. I have had naturally healthy hair for as long as I live, it's good to have a challenge now, to maintain and whatnot. Anyhow, the first 3 times was done by a friend and then I went to the salon because I was lazy to do it myself as my hair was quite long. The reason I bleached 7 times was because I dyed my hair black so I couldn't get an even blonde. The parts that were dyed black before remained darker than the rest of the hair. It was devastating. It would be easier for you if you hadn't dyed your hair raven black before. 4 times of bleaching should probably be enough for Asian hair to be blonde.

Extra point: I've conditioned my damaged hair with coconut oil in between bleaches before I've decided to dye it. I lather it on everyday and every night because the condition of my hair was terribly bad.  It was noodle-like and the split ends were crazy (Never knew what that was until I had it) So, I did everything I can to keep it from getting worse. The coconut oil works very well. Also, if you take a tablespoon or two everyday it helps you lose weight. Just in case you're wondering if it works, it does. It's amazing.

Okay, let's resume. As for the dyes, I've tried Schwarzkopf's Igora silver dye after my 6th bleach but that wasn't as good and it doesn't last as long. After my 7th bleach, which is the middle picture below, I've decided to cut off my hair and dye it with La riche Directions Silver. It is a semi permanent hair dye which works really well, not only does it conditions the hair, it lasts longer too.

It took me a long time to remove the orang-y tone from my hair, that is when the purple shampoo comes in. I use it once every three days to maintain the silver dye. I can't wash my hair everyday anymore as my hair is dry so when I do, I'd use the purple shampoo. I leave it on for about half an hour to get rid of the unwanted yellow and orange tones from my hair. The third picture is how it looks like with frequent usage of purple shampoo and La riche Directions Silver. Considering you don't need to mix La Riche Directions with any peroxide, you may leave it as long as you wish till your desired colour is achieved, I left mine for two hours.

Even after using La riche Directions, I still have a wee bit of light brown hair mixed up with most of my silver, not that noticeable, but it's there. That is when I've decided to make my own hair toner to get the exact silver that I've been wanting.

I've used this hair treatment cream and mixed it with a blue and purple powder hair dye to create an indigo color. This way it'll remove the orang-y tone from my hair. I lathered the mixture on my slightly damp hair and left it for 15 minutes. Surprisingly, it works perfectly. Better than any hair dyes I've used. Maybe a little too well that some parts of my already silver hair turns blue. But I love it.

This is the final outcome, after months of trying, I'm finally content. I even made a purple mixture to dye my sister's blonde hair with this method and it turns out beautiful. I bleached her hair twice and used this method to turn it from blonde to a rich purple. Even when it's fading, it faded into a pastel purple which looks gorgeous. The reason why I love this aside from La riche Directions', it's because it's less damaging than using any dyes with peroxide. This will be my go-to method whenever I need to tone my hair. All orange / yellow tone removed and my hair is left with silver and blue.

Stuffs I use to take care of my hair:

I've been using these two products and they work best for my dry and damaged hair. Trust me when I say I've tried a lot of products before landing on these two. Give it a try if you'd like but then again what works for me may not work for you but since all you have is time and money, why not? It's annoying really, when before this, I didn't even use anything on my hair and it was soft as fuck. But oh well, you gain something, you lose something else. Fortunately, I have ways to get what I've lost because I don't give up. You shouldn't either. I will keep finding new ways to get back my healthy hair and when I do, I'll let you know.

__________________________________________________________________

Now, let's talk about skin.
I'm a freak when it comes to my skin. I am obsessed. I don't get pimples, not often but I have developed a rather sensitive skin as I grow. I realized that when I'm 19 years old and I can't just use any random products as how I used to but thankfully I know my skin well enough to find the best products for it.

First of all, the current soap I'm using :

I have been using these two soaps for months and they're very good. I call them the Greellow Soap I used these for both my face and my body. Talk about being a cheapskate right? I don't care what matters is it works. I was told to use it only for my body but I thought why not, it's good. It's a herbal soap, the green works as a scrub and the yellow works as a skin lightener. These two soaps works wonders on my skin although it can be drying but it's very good. If you're already fair, you can use it to maintain your skin's fairness. These soaps also prevents and gets rid of acne. When using these, be sure your moisturizer or body lotion is hydrating enough.

Moving on to moisturizer:

I use Dr. Jart's Liquid Ceramidin. I've been using this for months and I rarely have breakouts. It is lightweight which is a plus point. So I can safely say it works well for those with sensitive skin. I use this after I cleanse my face with two those soaps. This will moisturize your face greatly without it being sticky. I bought this 2 months ago and I haven't even finished it. Although it's pricey, it lasts long as you don't have to use that much, probably just as big as a 20 cents' coin every time. This moisturizer is able to reduce the size of your pores and makes your skin looks healthier. Since I've used this, I don't plan on changing my moisturizer.

Aside from that I also use this little pulse cream:

I avoid slapping on a lot of products on my face because it's inconvenient and it might.. summon pimples. Yes, summon. So this one is good as all I have to do is rub it on my pulse. From the ones on my neck to the ones on my wrists and even my tummy. Apparently, it balances out your hormones, preventing breakouts and it makes your skin fairer. It works excellent in preventing breakouts, I had both my mom and my sister use it since they do have a lot of acnes and it works extremely well on them.

Twice a week kind of thing:

As for maintaining closed pores, I use Dr. Jart's Pore Medic. There's not much to say for this except for how amazing it is. Give it a try then you'll know. It leaves your skin soft and smooth with your blackheads gone. It makes the process of extracting your blackheads a lot easier.

As for the rest of my body, I mix this white cream I've been using for years with Johnson's Body Care Oxygen Fresh Gel Lotion to create a light serum that absorbs quickly into my skin. It works to lighten and hydrate your skin. I actually bought an empty bottle with a pump from Daiso to store this mixture. That is all I've been using for years.

Avoid using any creams that require you to dip your finger into it. If you keep doing that it'll allow bacteria to just sit in the cream and the more you use it the worse it gets, that is how you get pimples. If you need to, use a new cotton swab every time.

They think I'm crazy for caring so much for my skin but the truth is, little things matter. Why overlook them? For example, I taught my sister to not allow hair conditioner to drip down her back when she showers, also to avoid using hot water while she's at it as it'll cause back acne. At first she thought it was ridiculous but then she tried washing it my way and her back got a lot better. There's a cause for everything, you just need to observe.

Scars & pimples:

When there is a pimple on my face, I don't pop it because popping will only make it worse. So what I do is apply creams. I have about several different creams for different kinds of pimples. To those who think you can just use one for all, you're stupid. Below are the ones I often use.

 Simple's Spotless Skin Rapid Action for first sign of pimple (the not-so-big red bump)

 

Dermic Eucare Recover cream for the tiny white bumps (comedones), its cooling effect helps reduce the size of those tiny buggers to nonexistent. Aside from that, I do use Oxy 5 for bigger pimples, the kind that hurts before even appearing, it works well for that kind of pimple but the downside is that it dries out the skin rather badly.

And as for scars, when I have one, this is my go-to. It is absolutely amazing. It's pricey but worth it. I actually use this to get rid of the scar of my eyebrow piercing.

That is all for now. I am terribly exhausted. I'd be updating more once I've tried new products. I have tried many products online and offline, some of which are locally made, some are great and some are not. If you have a product that you think is good and would like me to make a review out of it, do send me an email. Although I do prefer products that is to be applied on my body instead of my face. Lastly, the most exciting part of this post is that you can actually purchase some of these items through the following website :

www.notyourgod.co

Yes, that will be my warehouse, online.

Have fun.

minimAL icon

Hello there, as many of you know I have once started creating vectorized portraits a few months ago, probably last year. I can't quite keep track of time because my mind gets a wee bit hazy. Anyway, I started with my own icon as I find it satisfying to have my very own instead of just using any available apps out there to make one that doesn't even look like me. Yes, quite a perfectionist I am and if anything were to represent me it best be precise. Apparently, it has become my thing to not include eyes in my artwork. There's just something about missing eyes that makes it all better. Much more dour, much more me.

Good news, you can now get your own icon as well, just like the ones above.

 Price: RM 20 per icon (face)

I don't know about you but I like my things one of a kind so having the same shit as everyone else will not work with me. If you and I are on the same page, you can place your order via email at officialallylilith@gmail.com with the following format :

Name —
Attachment of your picture (frontal view) —
Background colour —
Textures — Yes / No

Your icons will most likely be done on the same day after payment has been received unless informed otherwise due to the increased number of orders. Let's not forget, I only have two hands anyway.

Mind

But where do you go when your mind is against you?

Note on memories

I believe that music plays a big role in experiences especially the right songs for the right moments. Where the lyrics and the melody just understood you. They mark certain events in your life and one day, by no one's fault, you'd find yourself in a corner or in the back seat of a car or in the middle of a crowded place accidentally listening to a song playing in the background that instantaneously reminds you of the state you were in once before and just like that you relive it once more. Over and over again for as long as your mind could contain the memories of the past. Perhaps that is a good way to be reminded, perhaps that is the only way to appreciate how far you've come along since then. That you've made it and you'll keep making it till the end of time, that all you have to do is keep walking, living and collect memories along the way. That's what's life's all about anyway. And then you die which is rather cruel. To be born only to walk towards death each and everyday, leaving people you've met, affected, loved— leaving them all behind. Beautifully depressing is it not? The life we're made to live. 

Damn hipsters

Stuck

Here's to myself and I— if we don't work out we'd end up with someone who's only the second-best and you and I both know we deserve the one on the very top of the food chain. So, I guess we're happily stuck with each other and that's coming from a claustrophobe. 

Mentality

The mentality of people nowadays are not only baffling but also infuriating — especially the newly pious. Which has led to abhorrence and that isn't something anyone should want in an already debased world.  Things are looking rather glum now, with all the shrivelled minds out there, nitpicking on everything and everyone. Having to preach on how one has to live one's life the right way. If having to live right doesn't sound too bad then perhaps having to eat the correct way or think the right way will change your mind. What I believe is happening is all the knowledge coming from a great number of people. Which isn't supposed to be a bad thing but humans being humans made it all so difficult by going to the extreme. Isn't religion supposed to unite? Has religion ever taught you to look down on others or shame them because they don't live the kind of life you do? What's happening now is majority of believers are too into the afterlife that they don't care much about their current. To simply put, they don't give a crap about human relations when in truth a good character needs to be portrayed to well-reflect the teachings of one's religion, to set a good example as to pique the interest of non-believers into learning the same thing. What they're doing now, with their close-mindedness is chase them away. What they are now are believers whose faith are running so thin that anything puny and unnecessary could set them off. You don't have to agree with me but if you take a moment to observe your surroundings, to read the headlines of the news today, to read the words published online by the people, you will see. That today, unlike the times before, we live amongst extremists and judgmental do-gooders. Most of them are those who have just started to learn. I believe in order to save the world start by saving yourself which many of us have forgotten to do.

Question

The maddest thing a person could do is stop another from questioning one's belief to "avoid" deviation. To question is to understand and when there's curiosity, there's potential. Just because you do not have the answer, does not mean nobody does. 

Religion will always be a controversial topic, I can't quite fathom why. When it is something for the soul. That's not even the worst part— Apparently being controversial alone isn't enough, many a times, humans go against each other for not sharing the same beliefs. They wage wars, they take lives of innocent people, children! Everything in the name of religion. But isn't that a contradiction? Isn't that inhumane? Isn't that the complete opposite of what they've learnt and what has been taught? They think it's okay to use religion as an excuse for anything, an excuse to be murderers, an excuse to throw judgments or simply think they are above it all. They use religion to play god after they've learnt His teachings.

And then there are the godless ones. The ones that have been condemned for as long as I can remember because they have a different thinking. They are deemed to be immoral for not having a divine power as a guide but rather having themselves as one. But know that, the many godless people I've met happenned to be the kindest people in my life. 

So, question. Question everything, till you reach an understanding. Or else, you're only being fed and one day you might choke. 

Lippie

Hello there to those who care. It's raining here on my side of town. Quite frankly, I could be doing something more productive like cleaning up the house or the likes of it but here I am typing. So, shall we get to it? I've been buying a lot of lipsticks lately. No, that's not me bragging, if I were to brag, trust me, you'll know it. Anyway, this is me sharing. I've been using Lime Crime as my daily lipstick (liquid to matte). Yes, blood red lips for most days and by the end of this post you'll know exactly how to get my signature red lips. Some of you might just skip to the end and yes, you can do that. But why miss out on the rest? You're already reading. My mother told me that it's not good to just merely do things half-way. If your mother never said such a thing, learn it from mine. That woman is almost always right. Anyway, aside from Lime Crime, I've fallen for another brand which is LASplash. I've got to say the staying power for LASplash is much more impressive than Lime Crime and it is easier to apply. When I say the staying power is impressive I mean, eat oily food or whatever, they cling to your lips like nobody's business. It's quite difficult to remove them unless you use an oil-based make up remover or to name a brand, Biore's Cleansing Oil Cotton Wipes works just fine for me.

Nymphadora by LASplash
 (A kind of mauve, darker than "Ghoulish" but belongs to the same family)

Ghoulish by LASplash

(A pale mauve, could be categorized as a nude shade)

Ravenclaw by LASplash
(Dark purple, you might think it's black but it's really not)

Black Velvet by Lime Crime
(Similar to Venom by LASplash)

Venom by LASplash

Untamed by LASplash
(A rich brown shade, that has more red pigments compared to "Spellbound")

Spellbound by LASplash

(This is similar to Lime Crime's "Salem", also the difference between this and "Untamed" is that is appears to be more of a deep brown with a slight green undertone)

 Innocent Vixen by LASplash

(The perfect slightly warm nude, this is beige)

And finally Wicked by Lime Crime.

But hold on, that isn't just it. I've used another lipstick underneath to make sure I get that blood red shade that I absolutely adore. So, yes, there are two layers of red to get that. The one underneath is Revlon's ColorBurst Matte Balm in 'Standout". Now, your curiosity has been appeased. I'm still looking for the perfect red lipstick that would be amazing standing alone without layering with anything else. And when I've found one, I'll let you know. Oh! That reminds me, you can purchase selected LASplash colours from www.notyourgod.co the ones I like, at least.

Immortal

Mik Everett once said "If a writer falls in love with you, you can never die." I like that saying because I couldn't agree more. You can never die. Both joy and pain that have been brought upon will leave an everlasting scar ergo words of you will never stop being written and you'd live on forever. Your touch can take up to 4 and a half pages, I could write more on the way you lie down still with your eyes closed and then comes your laughter — my goodness, I could write a whole damn book about it. 

They ran amok, disturbingly eager to be enslaved by the gods amongst man. How curious, I thought but then again it is money and power that makes a fool.

Make up rules for the idiots

Hello there, people of earth. Today we shall talk about painting a canvas in which the canvas is your face of course. Make up is seen to be one of the most important needs of women and they'd always have them in their bags. If you're a woman and claim to not have at least one makeup in your bag, you're just bloody lying. For me, make up isn't so much as to "hide flaws" but it is to express and surely make up is fun but there are rules to it.

For starters, eyes — they play a very huge role in first impressions. The makeup rule for eyes is to avoid getting mascara on your skin by using a spoon as a shield. Slid the spoon under your bottom eyelash and apply your mascara thoroughly with ease.

The second make up rule is to always make sure you blush your cheeks according to your face shape. This is an important tip for women as with the wrong blush applying technique, you will probably look like a proper creep (even more so if you already are). Besides that, choose a blusher shade which blends well with your skin tone to avoid it being too light or too much of a baboon's ass.

Next make up rule is when you have that one tiny pimple or spot you desperately need to hide (because you already have a bad attitude and your face is your only hope) — the best way to cover up those spots is to apply a dab of concealer with a brush onto the area, blend it in with your finger and finish it off by applying powder on top. That is all for now. Just like any other person, I sometimes find myself in dire need of new make up items for no apparent reason. Good news is that ZALORA now offers a wide range of make up for women online from various well-known brands.

Skyfall

Maybe we shouldn't let the "What ifs" get in the way because if we ponder upon that, we'll waste the beauty of the present, we'll end up afraid of trying. Perhaps if we were to question that, we should just allow it to be. 

What if the sky falls? Then the sky falls. 

We'll get to it when we cross that bridge.

Time of Death

We say I love you,

every chances we get.

Sometimes thrice a minute, 

even in a dispute.

They'd think it's childish

but children aren't foolish.

Says Time—
He waits for no one.

Says Death—
Neither does he.

This is a Haiku

These three lines

Are meant for you

But you're my piece of shit.

Quite an escapade is it not?

Our demons in the same playground.

Who would have thought.

Nonpareil

We're so alike that being with him has made me realized how much of a cunt I really am. If that's not love, then it's certainly something better.

Submergence

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Sod Off

Constant.

(T-shirt from +Frenzy To Go)

Horns

When you want to be, be.

 Don't tell me what's good for me, I know them all but they aren't right for me.

(Hair clips from @blackswan.my on Instagram | Thank you.)

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Maybe I'll never be fine, that even when I am, I'm not. But at least I'll have you for as long as I do. That alone, the thought of a possibility of always having you with me, will keep me still and myself at bay.

I photograph things that matter to me, something I hold most dear and that is why most of the time, what you see is me.

Of my favourite sight

 Nikkor 35mm f/1.8G is wonderful but my boy? He's divine.

Words become inadequate 
when it comes to us

Faceless beauty

Faceless beauty, the sky. Ever so beautiful and that's coming from
someone who isn't fond of the world outside. Clearly, that says a lot.