20 December 2015

The more I grow, the less I care

Funny how in a month, I'll be a 22 year old. It seems like it was only yesterday that I turned 21. Time sure moves rather quickly when you're living in the now. I've noticed that the more I grow older, the less I care and I have reached a point where I honestly don't give a damn about anything which is why you're seeing a lot less of me online now compared to before.

Four weeks ago, I have posted a picture on Instagram with a caption that explains how I no longer have the interest of being around other people as their energy exhaust me. Unfortunately that is true. I don't know about  you but socializing or being in a rather "social" situation wears me out. Which explains why I no longer hang out with my friends because I very much prefer being by myself. I don't quite fancy hanging out in groups, if I were to hang out with my friends, I'd prefer doing it one at a time, or at most, 3. The only other person I spend time with aside from my family, is my boy. Not because we're in a relationship, it's because he is just like me. It feels just right and natural.

Thing is, before this even when I don't care, I still try. I supposed I don't have the time for that anymore. I have gotten ridiculously lazy. If something makes me feel unpleasant, I get rid of it. That applies to people as well. I have cut off so many people from my life, not because I hate them, it's because I don't find them a necessity. If they want to talk, I'm here for them but if not, I'm gone. That probably makes me seem like a complete asshole but honestly, that's exactly what I feel. I have been so independent that I don't find the need to rely on anyone. If there's a problem, I'll fix it. And if I can't, I'll make sure I do anyhow.

You just reach a certain point where you genuinely don't give a fuck anymore and you just live. Everything else seems petty. That's exactly what I'm doing. I am merely living, one day at a time. I haven't decided if that's good or bad just yet and it doesn't matter since life itself has its pros and cons. I'll tell you this though, the best thing about social isolation is that I spend more time reflecting on everything including myself. That's one way to learn.